The Inquisition

I underestimated these “creatures” when I tried to sneak in my newly bought plants yesterday.

They caught me red-handed and subjected me to an interrogation. 
Me: “Why are you detaining me here against my will? This is illegal detention.”
Investigator 1 (Cloud, The White Dog): *whispers* “Go on, Buddy, tell this stubborn hooman.”
Investigator 2 (Biggs, The Dirty White Dog): “Shut up, hooman! I do the talking here.” 
Me: “Oh, really? You haven’t even read me my Miranda rights!”
I1: “Uhm… Bud—“
I2: “I’ll read them!”
I2: “Buddy Cloud, please continue. I only remember the first line.”
I1: “We’re doomed! I only know the last line.”
Me: “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.”
I1: “W-O-W! You do know the Miranda rights, hooman!”
Me: “Of course because they will protect me  from self-incrimination, not self-discrimination as what Mocha Uson said– duh,  under the Fifth Amendment.”
I2: “I’m not impressed, hooman. Now, tell us why you tiptoed with those dangerous cacti.”
Me: “Come on, Officer. I mean no harm. Got them to ornament my own domain.”
I2: “No. We have to confiscate and check these cacti. You fool! They can cause gastrointestinal ailments to us!’
I1: “This is SOP, hooman. Just relax.” 

EPILOGUE:

Me: “Thank you for saving me, Buddy Cloud! Good that your new partner didn’t have any idea that we used to be the best partners in crime. You’ve remained the best actor.”
Cloud: “Jeez. Restrain yourself, hooman. I’ll be dead if Officer Biggs discovers this.”
Me: “What are friends for? It’ll be my turn to cover your a**, Buddy.”
Cloud: …

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