it’s been a year…

“test of faith…manifestation of great love…life’s irony…my realizations as we undergo this trial. just sharing.”

i sent this message to a friend at exactly 3:02 pm, november 16 of last year the day my sister-in-law, sheila may samson-mediavillo,  suffered from a cardiac arrest and was declared clinically dead. this message has stayed in my phone ever since.
one year. so fast…
today, we  gathered to commemorate the first death anniversary of  joseph’s beloved wife.
have we all moved on? has my brother moved on?
as i looked at the faces of she’s own family, siblings, and close friends, i could not be so sure what they were undergoing. we can always wear a facade making it impossible for someone to know what we truly feel.
smiles, giggles, laughter, guffaw…the invitees exchanged these before and after saying the rosary and offering prayers for the eternal repose of she’s soul. so private that despite the unavailability of a priest to say the mass at three o’ clock this afternoon, we expressed our love to she by simply being there.
with yula, my eldest brother 's eldest and only daughter
with yula, my eldest brother ’s eldest and only daughter
with my nieces and knight
with my nieces and knight
my family, sister nano, and three nieces were joined by nonoy (joseph’s nickname in the family) at the table during the early dinner. i waited if my sister would start a conversation about she. she didn’t. i also did not dare.
what question does a sister ask to a brother whom i am sure has continued longing for his wife’s embrace, his wife’s kisses, and his wife’s endearments?
i have no idea.
that fatal day when i rushed to the emergency room of the university of perpetual help hospital, i could only offer my shoulders to joseph to cry on. he became so powerless seeing someone so alive in the morning and later on be lying on her deathbed. everything was so sudden…he was not ready to see her go.
“she’s my life. i do not know what to do without her…” dialogs which i thought could only be heard in  movies and soap operas. i cried as my brother cried.  it crushed my heart seeing my brother be in so much pain, yet i could not do anything to ease his own suffering. 
each day, as she was in the icu, we all  prayed for miracles. we continued hanging on. none came. the more it tested our faith. we know, the Lord has always His reasons for everything.
as i looked back to those trying times, i could not help but be emotional. this is my part which i hate, but this is always a good reminder for me that i am  still existing and susceptible to human frailties.
i miss she, but it’s nothing compared to how my brother and their daughter feel. her living us left a void in each one of us, but i  know she didn’t like us to feel this way. being a fun-loving person, she would want us to continue whatever we have been doing and enjoy LIFE.
nano s and my last photo with shei and nonoy
nano’s and my last photo with she and nonoy
these are my thoughts tonight.

and as i end this article, i silently offer a prayer not only for she but for all of us who were touched and taught by her how to love unconditionally. 


5 thoughts on “it’s been a year…

Add yours

  1. i noticed the first entries were in 2011 and you didn’t bother to share this personal blog!

    anyways, I don’t know what caught me in this November entry—maybe I was just always interested with thoughts on the year ” that was”, those eventful days and months that covered that year or what have you…but when I started my reading it wasn’t what I was expecting at all. Although LIFE and DEATH are realities, there’s always a rejection of the latter. It’s one great thing celebrating life and one great challenge of faith losing one.

    Sorry to hear about this sad news friend. Joseph is indirectly a part of the family because you are a part of my family and knowing this saddens me too. What can comfort a bereaved family is knowing that ” there’s always a reason for everything.” MY LATE CONDOLENCES.


    1. bff, i am very happy and privileged to read your comments here. you are one good writer whose works i have missed reading…
      thank you very much for the condolences. be they late or not, i know that you always have a very special way of making us feel loved. and that includes joseph.


    2. by the way, i hope i am FORGIVEN for this late notice on wandering jouster. would you care to joust with me, bff? hehehehehe…miss our looooooooooong talk, disco dancing, out-of-town adventures and misadventures, movie viewing marathons, concert watching, laughter, intellectual arguments, and others.


    1. Amazing indeed! 🙂 🙂 I would say, you were also in luck in bumping into this article despite its poignancy.

      Thank you very much for this message, Josephine. I’ll surely relay it to Joseph. He has remained private, thus he has not been active in social media.

      Holiday Plaza is a very special and memorable workplace to my brother. It has helped him achieve his biggest dream.

      God bless you too.

      Again, many thanks for visiting my blog and dropping a note for our family.


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